Sunday, October 23, 2011

A slightly slanted Weekend

It's been a great week and a splendid weekend so far, Alhamdulillah. But I've just been very much pensive about the state which I am being situated in right now. Life has a lot of uncertainties and we always, always want things to go our way. Sadly that isn't always the case but we try.

Being an apprentice certainly has its ups and downs. You start with a big group of people who are looking for the same thing as you but the end journey isn't always the same. Then, you make friends with good people and bad people. The good people will always be there to guide you through any kind of situation or predicament, while the bad people well they're just there to hurt you or make you feel angry all the time. Work place politics, what else is new eh? But you see, being an apprentice also makes you see a lot of people going to another destination, opening up a new chapter in their life and starting anew.

Sometimes I can't help feeling very much vulnerable at how uncertain things are. I become hostile, non-chalant, angry, happy, non-caring and it's all mixed up in a bundle of "What exactly should I be feeling here?" I can't say that I'm not happy working because I am. At least I have not been dependent on my parents but that alone does not give me the benefit of a doubt that life is colourful enough and filled with doing things that I love. Frankly, I'm doing something that I can say that I love but there's no satisfaction in there because I'm not measured by that. Sure, I've heard rumours that they are going to let me in but there's always that "BUT" every mid sentence that just clench my fingers into a fist.

With all these pensiveness I have been spending the weekend at home, watching movies and TV shows that in small scale are helping me forget about how confused I am with the things that I'm hearing. I hope that soon things are going to fall into place. All I can say right now is that whatever I do at work, all the things that are asked of me to do, no matter how happy or unhappy I am doing them, I always do it for Allah and I hope that He will reward me extensively.

I know that all that these are tests to see whether I am being patient with what God has written for me. I know that He is prepping me for something much much bigger than this one. I am at the same time nervous AND anxious about what's just around the corner or at the end of the tunnel. This journey of mine is sure nerve-wrecking but one thing for sure is I ain't never letting anyone pull me down. Tawakal and doa all the way :)

Have a great Sunday everyone!!

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