Monday, January 16, 2012
Dirt and things that come with it
So I was just reading about Frankie's "Fear" section as contributed by its writers and it got me thinking about MY own fears.
As an introduction to a defensive "I can't possibly be scared of EVERYTHING" I shall stand my ground and say that I have a love for heights AND am an adrenaline junkie. That I can say "Aye!" to and proudly raise my glass of blueberry schnapps in the air with a huge smirking smile on my face. BUT. Let me tell you this. I have a writhing fear of something that can make my skin crawl and tingle, my upper lip perspire and my eyebrows crawling towards each other in a crease.
Dirt, in all its glory, to babies can sometimes help them build a defensive immune system, helping them get familiar with bacteria that may harm them but at the same time giving them that hopeful chance of being able to play again in the sand tomorrow. I don't mind about dirt per se, I don't have a care for it at all really but when I have a stomach ache and the toilets I go to are "dirt-full" THAT'S when I start to sweat and get very nervous about the surroundings. This brings me to my next fear - creepy crawlies that come with dirt.
Imagine a situation where the business numbered deux can't be helped. You sit on the toilet, trying to relief yourself when suddenly there it is in front of where you're seated, a hairy spider, though the size of a pea, it's solid eight crime infested limbs slowly nearing to you like it's saying, "I'm small but you fear me. Behold my might for I shall slay you with my wrath!" Now how do you suppose you're gonna do your business then?
Imagine another situation. You sit around the TV to a very silly episode of Running Man with your siblings. Just as you're about to bask in the lukewarm sentiment of the togetherness, there it is again, a spider as big as my hand, crawling infront of you as if it's a pedestrian trying to cross to the other side of the road to get it's daily supply of bug grocery. How on Earth do you suppose you should react, other than scream, jump and RUN to the other side of the room which could easily be 10m away? At this distance it can easily make the spider seem so small but boy oh boy, it's blackness and long-leggedness surely can give you a heart attack.
I remember when I was in Singapore a few years back in a cheapo hotel that revealed to me a very suspicious black stain under the bed covers. That I didn't mind much because I know I can just call housekeeping and make them change the covers if flipping it over isn't anymore an option. It was when I was in the toilet, sitting there, that I discovered the fast crawlies that can crawl up my legs and go further up to parts where I'm even oblivious about. I can't handle creepy crawlies. Yet I can't avoid them either. A cockroach landed on my face once upon a time, while I was sleeping in my bed. I switched on the lights and it was HUGE! It was KING!
I tremble with fear at the thought of these crawlies. I fear that whenever my ears itch, it is caused by these slick little monsters with their winged backs and thorny legs. I shudder at the thought of a spider quickly running up my feet into my shirt and stinging me, turning me into something society can't decipher. Yesterday, there was a caterpillar cocooning against my shoe (my brother said it's because my shoe is cotton). I didn't touch it. I just removed it carefully, very cautious not to kill it or otherwise it wouldn't get to see the light of day as a gay butterfly. But, from the non-touching, my skin became itchy with red blotches on them out of FEAR!!!
It's bad, this thing that I have. I wish there was a way that can help me brave it but I tire at the energy used to just being brave. Can I just use insect repellent on me everyday? Will society accept me for who I am though I smell like chinese herbs and astringent? Will the people in my office want to come for discussions I propose?
Boy, with all this fear talk I'm actually getting a little scared of going to the toilet now. Damn early morning pot of tea!